I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
