he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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