i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
