Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
