she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
