there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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