FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize