Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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