Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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