sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
