remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I did not marry a roomba.
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