Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
