You smell like stripper and shame
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
