My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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