last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
