Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
