don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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