My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
