We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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