Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
