i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
