There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize