We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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