I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Damn victory sex feels great
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize