She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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