Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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