My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
