Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
