Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
