Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize