I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
