He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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