atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
