you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
