Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
