You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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