DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
