you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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