whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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