party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
