Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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