On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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