no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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