look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
