im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
