His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
