I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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