Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
there is glitter all over my balls
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