yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
