Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
