She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
