I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
