tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize