Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
