Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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