The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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