Sry I called you an 8
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
