Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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