Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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