today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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