how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
