it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
