Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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