It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
