so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
