i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
