we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
