Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
