We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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