I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
