Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
