what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
