why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
